


the stars shine for no one (but i'll shine just for you)

by immaturesoybean



Series: graduation [2]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Boys In Love, Comfort, Domestic, Fluff, M/M, Slice of Life, this is so unnecessarily emotional im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:15:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27170947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immaturesoybean/pseuds/immaturesoybean
Summary: Eiji’s sister comes home with plastic, glow-in-the-dark stars.Ash and Eiji go stargazing.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Series: graduation [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1979236
Comments: 4
Kudos: 93





	the stars shine for no one (but i'll shine just for you)

**Author's Note:**

> exposing myself as the world’s biggest sap
> 
> I’m tired of everyone treating Ash like a spectacle, he can be whatever he wants to be.
> 
> (this is in the same universe as the previous fic in the series, like actually straight after the events of the last chapter, but it can be read as a stand alone!)

The student council left and the house was finally empty. Ash was just about ready for some peace and quiet, as Eiji had most definitely _not_ reminded him before they went to bed last night that his posse of five other nerds would be holding an afternoon long meeting in this house.

Either way, Ash was ready to numb his mind as he flicked on the TV to some random food channel and slumped onto the couch, boneless and spent. He wondered where all the stamina he had from running around the streets of New York, and his bottomless tolerance for other people’s bullshit, had gone. All he had done today was eat salad and buy ice-cream, like seriously.

Eiji walked in then, having shown the rest of the members off to the door. Though his face was warm and content, he too looked slightly red from exertion. Fanning himself, he lay right down on the couch next to Ash, his feet hanging off the side and head touching the base of Ash’s thigh.

They sat in comfortable silence, half paying attention to some up-and-coming idol making over exaggerated reactions to some special curry she was eating, half dozing off in the heat.

Then there was the sound of keys jingling and turning the lock, footsteps in the foyer. The rest of the family was home. The footsteps got louder and Okumura Misaki burst into the living room with a loud groan, dropping her bags on the ground and flopping on the opposite couch.

Eiji immediately sat up to scold her for being so crass and leaving her things on the floor like that, but she closed her eyes, stuck her index fingers in her ears and started singing a Triple A song loud enough to cover her brother’s incessant nagging.

This was puberty, apparently. Ash snickered as Eiji huffed in frustration and flopped back down, though his head landed on Ash’s lap instead of the couch this time.

“That brat.” He grumbled under his breath, sounding decidedly adorable, “No one in this house listens to me anymore— ” 

Then there was a loud smacking noise as Misaki tossed a small plastic packet right at Eiji’s face. Eiji squawked and scrambled back upright, just as Misaki dashed away down the hallway yelling, “I may not listen but I can still hear you, grandpa!”

Eiji let out a string of incoherent cursing noises, moving to go chase after her before Ash grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him back down.

“Give it a rest _grandpa_ , you’ll never catch up to her.”

“Why have you all turned against me?” Eiji lamented dramatically, plonking his head onto Ash’s shoulder. Ash chuckled and didn’t honour him with a response, instead poking at the plastic package in Eiji’s hands.

“What’d she give you?”

Eiji turned the packet around in his hands and hummed quizzically. “I think they’re those glowy stars, like the ones you stick to the roof. Maybe it was a freebie from the astronomy club or something?”

“Aw, and she gave it to you? How thoughtful.” Ash cooed sardonically, “Maybe she isn’t so bratty after all, thinking to give her precious big brother a present.”

“This is not a present.” Eiji narrowed his eyes and whacked the packet against Ash’s chest, “She probably thinks she’s ‘too old’ and mature for these things, I am just her garbage can!”

Ash didn’t deny it, Misaki _was_ at that age after all. Instead, he watched Eiji as he stared at the plastic stars in his hand, admiring the way Eiji’s face scrunched when he was thinking, like the muscles in his face somehow moved the gears in his brain.

Something must have clicked because Eiji turned and looked up at him with that cheeky smile, the one that made Ash’s heart _clench_ , and said, “Want to stick them in our room?”

In _our_ room. Wow. Just how could Ash say no?

***

After dinner that night, they got to work. Eiji stood on his bed and Ash grabbed the desk chair, standing on his tippy toes to stick the star-shaped plastic cut-outs on the ceiling one by one. Engaging in such pointless labour, doing something for no reason but _just cause_ , seemed so foreign. Yet Ash was overcome by a sense of nostalgia for a childhood he did not have, it was strange how an action so alien could feel welcoming all the same. He peeled the finicky plastic backings off the stars and felt his heart ache as he watched Eiji do the same with his tongue stuck out, deep in concentration.

Once the plastic packaging was empty and discarded in the dustbin, Eiji pulled Ash onto the bed and asked him how his ‘star composition’ was, using his index fingers and thumbs to frame the ceiling, as if it actually mattered where they stuck the damn things. Yet Ash found himself playing along. 

“Stick to the rule of thirds, kid.” He said like a true art critic, (he was glad Shunichi wasn’t there to correct him).

Eiji laughed and shoved him, bouncing on the mattress energetically even though his head was dangerously close to smacking against the ceiling. Ash felt like a monkey in a nursery rhyme.

Even though his heart was stuffed and full, it was ridiculous how light he felt, like would float away to the moon if he didn’t hold on tight. Partaking in such frivolity, in this useless fun, it felt like he was indulging in something forbidden — in happiness, it seemed.

They hopped onto the ground to admire their handiwork. Eiji unrolled the futon and gave Ash a look filled with excitement and mirth, like a kid about to stick his hand into the cookie jar. 

“Ready?” Eiji asked, though it was clear that no response was needed. He dashed towards the wall, flicking off the light switch before running right back and blindly tackling Ash down onto the futon. 

They stumbled and fell in the darkness, laughter bubbling out uncontrollably like a fizzy drink shaken and unscrewed. Giddy and drunk on their own madness, they settled on the futon side by side. They had to look away from each other to even try and catch their breath, instead turning their attention to the stickers that they had so tediously spent their evening attaching to the wall above. 

The makeshift stars let out a faint glow, looking more like what he imagined an elementary schooler’s laser tag party would look like rather than a night sky.

“Wow,” Ash drawled in feigned wonder, “It’s the big dipper.”

"How beautiful," Eiji giggled, tracing lines between the lurid shapes in the ceiling-sky. His finger danced between the stickers of mismatched size, as if the constellations would bend to his will. 

It was positively underwhelming, yet more than anything Ash could have asked for — to be here, lying next to the boy who quite literally hung the stars. Ash thanked every god in Izumo silently.

"Somehow I prefer this. The fakeness, the tacky green light. It feels more real, more tangible. Like I can appreciate the view from down here, but at the same time I could just stand up and rip it right out from the sky if I wanted to." Ash said, reaching his hand out as if he could grasp the ceiling in his palm, "Back in Cape Cod where there wasn’t as much light pollution, you could go to the beach and see the stars so clearly, so brightly. But at the same time you could see the deep, dark expanse of space and I felt like I was getting lost, like I was being sucked away into...into oblivion, you know? Even the stars are nothing compared to infinity, what could I— some useless, broken toy; some runaway delinquent — mean? It just felt a bit hopeless...like I was insignificant."

For a moment they lay there in silence, and Ash felt as if he could just drift away into nothingness, if not for the warmth of Eiji’s shoulder anchoring him to this realm. 

Ash thought of the last time he had even bothered to look up at the night sky just for the sake of it. He remembered Griff's arm around him, warm and all encompassing, protecting him from the Milky Way that seemed to swallow him whole. It should have been a fond memory, but Ash found his jaw clenching — the past always seemed to be steeped in misery, of things lost and not found.

Then there was a rustle in the sheets and the warmth on his shoulder suddenly shifted.

“Hey, isn't it okay to not mean anything, to be insignificant?” Eiji’s voice rang out as he rolled over onto him, gently cupping Ash’s face in his hand.

Their foreheads were just inches away from touching and Ash could feel his soft breath tickling his nose, “I think it's okay. I think it means that you don’t have to worry about anything, about the world looking at your every move. You always take everything onto yourself, and I think it’s like there's a huge pressure lifted off your shoulders. You are not a star, you're just the same as everyone else and you are loved all the same.”

Ash was captivated, he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak as Eiji’s eyes met his in the darkness. Eiji’s body was warm and solid, vibrating gently as he whispered, “The world's eyes aren't on you right now, just mine. Let me look at you, and let yourself feel only me, because you don't belong to the world, and the world doesn't belong to you. You only belong to yourself, and you can choose to look back, to look away, to close your eyes—” Eiji softly caressed his cheek, thumbing away a stray eyelash “—and nothing will change. I will still look at you, and I will still be there. So will you, and you will be okay.”

In that moment, Ash believed him. That he would be alright, that if Eiji said it enough times, it would be true. He thought, maybe the stars didn’t mean shit— but at the very least, to the two people in this room now, they would mean the same thing.

He swore that he would commit this moment to memory and think of the future ahead instead of the past buried beneath him — he would think of joy, the night sky and Eiji’s hand on his face.

He closed his eyes, and he could see warmth, he could see love— he could see Eiji.

He opened his eyes, and saw the stars.

**Author's Note:**

> And then they cuddled. The end.
> 
> It makes me warm and fuzzy to think about them being happy, because my first time in this fandom a few years ago was filled with all this angst and sadness I could not reconcile. But I’ve had time to reflect on the shitty message the ending sends, and I’ve decided that I hate it. So this time around I’m not having any of it. 
> 
> That does it for this series for now though, if i don’t get into to university, it’s because of asheiji  
> (I'm always down to talk about them on [twitter](https://twitter.com/mayoaant) tho)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
